I came to Arizona to teach, and within the 3 weeks of being hired, I don't think I really had the chance to think about how hard it would be to say good-bye to everything and everyone I know. I don't know if that was a good or bad thing, because when I sit down to really think about it - no matter how hard I tried to prepare myself for it, I realized - good-byes are never easy. It's impossible and insane to think I could completely anticipate that painstaking emptiness you get from missing someone so much before you really put that distance between you - and in my case, I've put 2,500 miles between me and many others that I love dearly - it kind leaves a huge hole in my heart! And I'm homesick for all that hometown craziness every day. I know, I haven't even been here a week - but I've lived in Medford for 27 years of my life and all of those familiarities became more than comfortable, it evolved into quite a feat, stepping outside that comfort zone and immersing myself in a life I never really thought I'd have is an internal struggle - I know I'm doing what I need to do to better myself in my career, but am I strong enough to be away from all the repose I've grown accustom to?
...a week ago, I had to stop there. It was unbearable to write what I was feeling - especially coming from all the emotions of being so far away from home. However, since then, I have really gotten a chance to sit and think about my purpose here - the fact that I'm here to bring back education and teaching the way it should be speaks volumes, not only for myself, but for the passion I have for this profession and the lives of the children I hope to change and improve. After sitting through workshops, learning this explicit curriculum I am going to be using over the next year - I couldn't help but think, this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now. For once, after all my schooling - all the hardships of trying to find a job, the heartache it caused - witnessing wonderful teachers share the same passion I have and wanting it so badly made witnessing terrible teachers that much harder because I knew I deserved it way more than they did. I couldn't understand, for the life of me, why I wasn't chosen for ANY of the jobs I had applied to over the years - but now I know. It was for this exact reason. It was because this is where I'm supposed to be! And believe me, all the 44's I've been seeing here over the past week and half! It's incredible...I know Nicky is here with me, every step of the way and I don't doubt for a minute that this was a collaborated God and Nick plan - this is what they had written for me, and it is something I couldn't - no matter how hard I might have fought it, turn down.
So here I am! I've been in Phoenix for a week and a half now...and I have to say, it is getting easier by the day (all the work and studying certainly helps)! I have the most amazing family here that I am staying with, and words can't even express my gratitude to them - if it weren't for them, this would be damn near impossible. To Aunt Neon, Uncle Joe, and JB - thank you. For being here, for making me laugh, for making this experience so much easier than I had really anticipated. I truly can't express to you in words how appreciative I am. So...let me buy dinner for once! :)
Things I enjoy:
Being here with family.
The people here are way nicer than Jersians - sorry guys, we know how we are!
The variations of Arizona license plates - they are astronomical in numbers!
Where I will be teaching - the school is amazing, and so are my "bosses".
I like dry heat way more than the Jersey humidity.
The fact that the highway will get you anywhere you need to go.
No license plates on the front of cars - I need to get mine off.
The fact that I am in a completely different place - somewhere new to explore and learn about every day.
The fact that this state has a plethora of cactus...and I can drive an hour north to stir up memories with the sweet smell of pine trees.
Monica, Eloy and Ethan are 5 hours west of here :)
Lin is an hour flight north.
I will get to experience LA within the next year (hopefully a few times).
I can finally go to Vegas!
I can finally visit Lin in CO - although moving closer shouldn't have determined that...
Things I miss:
Mom
Dad
Brooke
Thai
Nichole
Petey
Simon
Fletcher
Of course the rest of my wonderful friends and family (sorry, just mentioning the ones I see most)!
Dad's Morning Words of Wisdom (which he should just start texting to me...the 3 hour difference gives him more time to think of one).
Date Nights with Mom (Ames all the way)!
Silly times with Brooke (usually laughing at things Mom and Dad do).
Laughing and Thai and Brooke.
Stupidly ridiculous times with Nichole - the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for (and don't try it, she's mine)!
Working with Aunt Tracey - last year was fun!
Stretchies from Pete.
Licks from Simon.
The beach.
I know I'll miss the snow, cold and everything that goes with it.
Camp Creek Run and all my wonderful friends and kids there.
I miss Dad's Deer Park, the dogs' ridiculous barking and the funny way mom yells at them when they do it - like after 10 years they are going to stop!
I never stop missing any of that - but my hope, is to be busy enough and of course thrilled with the excitement of being somewhere new with loving family that it won't pain me as much - and eventually, I know it will all turn into something amazing that I am so fortunate to experience, when I know...not many others do.
With that being said, I really need to thank everyone for their support. Everyone back home, my family, my friends - I love you all so much and if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to do this. I can't even express in words how much my heart smiles (dramatic, I know) when I just think about you, let alone all the memories we have and how much every moment we've spent together means to me. I love you and miss you more than you could ever know. And again, to my family here - I am fortunate to experience life with my Godmother, uncle and cousin while I embark on this crazy journey of teaching in a brand new, classical education school (may God give me the strength)! All the while, having the support from my wonderfully amazing parents, sister, brother-in-law, best friend and more back home! I honestly, couldn't ask for more right now!
I know this was all emotional - I had to get it out...the funny ones are yet to come. C'mon, you can't expect life to stop happening for this Jersey girl in the desert - it's just bound to get funnier, crazier and more ridiculous! :)
I'm going to try to post at least 1 a week. So...
Stay tuned!
B.
